Hopeless.

I mess up. A lot.

Sometimes I can be really cranky.

Often I put myself before other people.

I use profanity.

I lust.

I take pride in my accomplishments.

I get bitter and angry.

Forget the goody, goody image that some people label me with. It doesn't matter how often I pray or go to church or try to be nice to people. Whether I give money away or offer to help others doesn't really count for a whole lot. The thing is, no matter how many of these good things I try to do, at the end of the day, I'm still me. And I still mess up. Daily.

If life were really about me trying to be a good person, then I might as well die. I might as well give up if myself was what I was putting my hope in. What a joke.

Neither is my hope in having secure or comfortable circumstances. Up until this point in my life, I've been protected physically, I've avoided serious illness, and I've never been in need or want of anything. But these things aren't a guarantee. Tomorrow I could get hit by a bus, find out I have cancer, or my cash could burn in a house fire.

My hope definitely isn't in my family. I love my family, and I'm honored to be connected to a group of people who are generous, funny, caring, and who regularly go the distance for one another. But my family is like most other families in America; it's made up of people. And people mess up. That is a guarantee.

So I can't hope in myself, I can't hope in a good life, and I can't hope in my family. This leaves me hopeless.

Except for the fact that over 2,000 years ago God became a perfect person and made a way so that I, a hopelessly imperfect girl, can have faith that regardless of what life brings or whether my bad outweighs my good, I have life everlasting. Tonight I find myself full of hope. 100% confident that my hope is secure.

"...hope does not disappoint... When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."